How To Stop Overthinking

In this mini episode, we're discussing the art of making decisions with ease. We'll explore how to focus on what's within your control, quiet the ego, and get crystal clear on what you really want. Kat shares the 5-5-5 rule—a game-changing tool to help you break free from the overthinking trap. Plus, we emphasize the power of quick decision-making, trusting yourself, and embracing discomfort as a path to growth.

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• Not Nice Clever
• Candice Carcioppolo
• Kat Torre

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Transcript

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Hi, I'm Kat, marketer turned brand storyteller. And I'm Candice, educator turned entrepreneur. And you're listening to Not Nice, Clever. As CEOs and leaders, it's your job to always have the answers. But sometimes you need a little help. Leverage, if you will. We get it. This is the place for you. So wherever you're listening, 530 AM Club at the gym, on your way to your next meeting or putting out today's fire, let's get into it. In today's mini episode, we're giving you the over

thinkers guide to decision making in our work with our clients. We can't tell you how many people are over thinkers and hold themselves back from making from taking action because they're overthinking every situation and scenario. So we're breaking down some of our tried and true habits, mindsets, frameworks to help make decision making easier. Yeah. So I think

First of all, I want to start with, I can't remember where I read it, but if you are an over -thinker, a lot of times people immediately think that that's a bad thing and that's something that they need to fix and it's something that they, you know, that it's a weakness. But what I have read is that over -thinking is a sign that you are very intelligent and that you care very deeply and that you are very empathetic and that you often consider

everything and everyone, past, present and future all at once. And that sometimes just locks you up into this analysis by paralysis or paralysis by analysis, right? And you overthink and then you don't take action. So if you've experienced overthinking, that's okay. It just is a sign that you have all of these different things that you're dealing with. And one of the things that has really been helpful for me is that when I find myself overthinking, I pause and I ask myself,

You know, what am I actually worried about? What am I actually focusing on? Am I focusing on something that's like within my control or not within my control? Am I focusing on something that's actually happening right now in the present moment or am I imagining and catastrophizing about something in the future that doesn't even exist? And yet I'm thinking it's real and then I'm using it as a reason to not

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take action and I just like freeze up. So it's like, just taking a moment to acknowledge if you are overthinking, like you're not a bad or like weak or terrible person, like you just have, you're just extra sensitive and you're extra intelligent. And like, because of that, you need to be able to kind of keep your mind from tricking you out, you know, and just really getting present and focusing on what's within your control. Candice, have you found like that with you too? Like when, whenever you

find yourself overthinking? Yeah, Dom always says control the controllables because as business owners, there's so many things that happen that might be out of your control, right? Working with different people, you never know exactly what to expect when you're working with someone else. And so you can only control your own actions. You can only control, you know, your so much and you just have to be able to be in control of those things and then let everything else kind of fall where it may.

trust that your experience and expertise will help fix something if it doesn't go the way that you planned it. So I think that being able to really look back at what is in your locus of control and just focus on that and not worry about everyone else's. Yeah. The other thing that helps me is just level setting with like answering the question of what do I want?

out of whatever situation I'm in. Because if I know what I want, I'm like, cool, then I've got clarity on that. And then I, because I'm intelligent and equipped and resource, we're all way more resource than we think we are in those moments when we do overthink. It can help me decide, you know, which way to go, right? If that's what I want, okay, I know the things I need to do to get there. you know, just having clarity around that too.

Yeah, and making sure that you're not letting ego get in the way because like if what you want is to close the deal, then it doesn't matter if it was the other person's idea of how that deal got closed, right? If that's what you both want. And so just, I think that's a really good point, Kat, just coming back to what is the end goal here and how do we get there? And it's okay if it's not my idea or if it's not everything I asked for, I'm still getting ultimately what I want.

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Yeah. that setting the ego aside, that is big. So big. like framework that's helpful for me, because I don't know about you, but when I find myself overthinking, I'm usually very emotionally charged. Like I'm really not thinking clearly. I'm, you know, maybe reacting to something or I'm getting defensive or I'm taking something personally, or I'm doing that like.

worst case scenario, if this happens, then this, then this, and this, then pretty soon you're like making up something in your mind and punishing yourself for it. So like the framework that I like to use is like the five, five, five rule. And there's variations of this, right? And I know you said that this was new for you. the way that I think about it is I ask myself, is it going to matter five minutes from now? If I don't react to the text.

I don't respond to the call. I don't reply to the email and I go outside and I move my body for five minutes. Is it going to be that bad? Like just remove yourself from whatever situation that's like locking you up, you know, and like you're just going down this rabbit hole. And then the next question to ask yourself is, it going to matter five days from now? Like, think about anybody listening, think about something that really like you were just.

going over and over and over in your head five days ago. Do you even remember what that was? Like five days ago in entrepreneur time is like dog years, right? It's like five years basically. And then five months from now, I'm trying to remember something that happened to me five months ago that I was overthinking and I didn't take action and I was worried and freaking out. And I can't even really recall like how long was five months ago anyway? Was that like March? Where are we now? What time is it?

August. it's August. March. Right. I remember the good shit in March. I remember us going to podcast evolutions in Los Angeles and having a great time. when you're like stuck on that and you're worried like what's going to happen if I make this decision or if I don't or this or that or blah, blah, blah. It's like five minutes, five days, five months. Yeah. You know, some people say years, but I feel like that's so far out for people. Like this is a little bit more like relevant in the day to day. No.

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Yeah. So I feel like Dom has so many quotes around decision -making because he prides himself on being like a swift decision -maker and he thinks that's what contributes to him being successful in business. And I would agree that that's true whenever I think about my clients who have the most success and who see the most success the most quickly, they're swift decision -makers. like, this person's not right for the team. Onto the next one. If this person needs something, okay, we're starting it today. And that's...

how they operate. So Dom always says that if you worry, you suffer twice. So just make the decision, see what happens, and then deal with whatever happens. Like that's going to be the best formula because if you're just like sitting worrying about, if I do this, this is going to happen. If I do that, that's going to happen.

Like you're just like sitting in this like weird purgatory where like nothing's actually happening and you're just suffering in your mind. So if you worry, you suffer twice, which means just make the decision and then go from there. Yeah. Gather the data. Yes. You need the data. You need the information, but you can't get the information unless you take the action to generate the information and then to make better decisions. this is, it's literally the scientific experiment.

that they teach you about in elementary school. Life is just an experiment. really is. just an experiment. The other thing too is I was, I think I heard this on a reel the other day where the creator was like, newsflash, your brain is not designed to push you into the unknown, to encourage you to change, to encourage you to take risks. Your brain is designed to keep you safe in the same area.

the same city, the same circle of friends, the same job, the same income. That's literally our biology is hardwired that way. So that's the other thing of like the overthinking. The overthinking is not sometimes always in our control, but how we react and respond to it is and being aware of that. And if you know that biologically it's outside of your comfort zone to do something new.

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and you feel the nervous energy of maybe you feel butterflies, maybe you feel just generally nervous, know that that means that you you know you're safe and you're making an informed decision. You have to trust yourself and your intuition and understand that that's what's going to help you to grow is every time you feel a little bit uncomfortable, that's a good sign. I actually wrote this in my reel that I,

that I made yesterday. Yeah. So yesterday I posted a real because it's my three year anniversary of working with Ryan Serhant. And so, you too. Yeah. It's this month. I don't even actually know the real day, but I posted this real. I'm going to open it up so you might hear the sound that I want to read my caption because I literally wrote this yesterday. I said, if you're not in a perpetual state of figuring it out, then you're stagnant.

And if you're in a perpetual state of figuring it out, that's like that weird, nervous, scary state to be in. That's where your brain's like, I don't know if this is the right thing. Like, this is scary. This is outside my comfort zone. This is next level. Maybe I'm not ready. And all of those thoughts to me are good thoughts because that's what helped me to get from where I was to where I am. And if I'm ever feeling too comfy, that's the red flag for me.

If I'm ever like, everything's just so smooth sailing, everything is just so easy breezy. Then I'm like, well, am I living up to my full potential then? Because if I'm just like chilling right now, everything's so easy that I'm probably not doing what I could do. And I always want to know what I could do. Yeah. And I think. I love that. And I think that there's a difference, too, between being comfy and being like complacent.

you know, like we love to be, when you said comfy, was like, no, I still want to have my Netflix and chill time and my sweatpants on the couch. Like, no, I'm not talking about that. No, I know. know. Yeah. But like being, but like if you're just like comfortable in your business, you're just like, this is, this is comfortable. Then I know that you are not growing as you could. If you're just like, this is comfortable. And sometimes maybe there's seasons in your life where you're just like, I'm

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I'm cool, I do want to coast, but that's just not my personality. Like, I'm just always like, hmm, if I could do this, I bet I could do that. I love it. Well, we wanted to keep this as a mini so that you can re -listen to it, Clever Crew, over and over, as many times as you need to spur yourself out of overthinking. And before we sign off, we actually have a shout out for one of our Clever Crew who left us a review. So Candice, you want to pull that up real quick here?

Yeah, I got it here. So thank you for everyone who has left us a five -star review. Our reviews really help us to get even more incredible guests for you and make relationships with people in the podcasting world. So we truly appreciate you taking the time to leave a five -star review. So thank you to Chris. Chris left us this wonderful review. I'll read a portion of it. It says, every episode is packed with practical tips and advice that I can apply to my life immediately.

What sets them apart is their willingness to answer listener questions and address common issues that many people struggle with. When you listen to audio and if you haven't already, drop that five star review. Share your takeaways, tell us your story. love to hear it. Signing off, you're not so nice, but so clever, besties that mean business. See you soon.