Feeling Stuck? How to Break Free from Your Comfort Zone

Ever feel like you’re spinning your wheels but not really going anywhere? We’ve been there, too.

In this episode, we’re diving into a powerful idea inspired by a Leyla Hermozi quote: “We can’t become who we need to be by staying exactly who we are.” Yep, it’s a little scary—but it’s the truth we all need to hear if we’re serious about growth.

Together, we’ll explore why staying in your comfort zone feels safe (but keeps you small), how embracing change opens doors you didn’t even know existed, and what it really feels like to navigate the messy, magical middle of transformation. Plus, we’ll share practical steps to lean into change and how to celebrate every win along the way—big or small.

Tune in to learn why change isn’t just inevitable—it’s your secret weapon for leveling up!

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• Not Nice Clever
• Candice Carcioppolo
• Kat Torre

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Embracing Change
• 2:42 The Necessity of Adaptation
• 6:57 Stepping Outside Comfort Zones
• 12:37 Embracing the Messiness of Growth
• 20:40 Leaning Into Change
• 26:01 Celebrating Small Wins

Transcript

Hi, I'm Kat, marketer turned brand storyteller. And I'm Candice, educator turned entrepreneur. And you're listening to Not Nice, Clever. As CEOs and leaders, it's your job to always have the answers. But sometimes you need a little help. Leverage, if you will. We get it. This is the place for you. So wherever you're listening, 530 AM Club at the gym, on your way to your next meeting or putting out today's fire, let's get into it.

In today's episode of Not Nice Clever, we're talking about how to embrace the shift. This episode was really inspired by a reel that Kat and I saw where Leila Hermosy shared a quote. said, we can't become who we need to be by staying exactly who we are. And that when Kat and I saw this reel, we both were like, oof, at the same time, we're like, that is it. And

That is what we see over and over again when we're working with clients. There's growing pains that come with growing your business, growing your brand, just being in another time in your life. And sometimes that means you have to let go of things that are holding you back and you have to.

step into new shoes and all of those things can feel really uncomfortable. And when Layla said that, we were like, we definitely need to make an episode about this. We need to talk about it more because it's scary, but it's really necessary. If you have been spinning your wheels and you feel like you're in the same spot and you're not gaining momentum, this is an opportunity to think about why that is. And Kat and I have talked about this in many episodes before where your friends and your family are typically the first people

who have a difficult time with you growing and changing because they have an established idea in their mind of who you are and what's possible for you. And you might have a different one. So we're just breaking that all down today and talking about what that feels like and why it's okay. I think it's important to call out that, you know, everybody is really hardwired to want to stay the same. Like that's truly like our programming is to

stay in what's safe, what's known, what's familiar, because that's going to keep us alive, like at a fundamental level, that's how we want to operate. But life is always happening, change and chaos is always occurring, whether or not we like it, it's the only constant. And in order to be equipped and to thrive, not just like survive, you do need to adapt and evolve.

you can have wants and desires and dreams, but the need to adapt is rarely if ever going to go away because that's just how things are. And so this quote really, you know, hit home with me. There's a lot that Layla Hermosy and her husband, Alex Hermosy put out that I'm just like, not quite, but this is like a hundred percent. because staying the same not only leaves you behind, but it keeps you from not fulfilling your truest potential, not.

taking advantage of what life can offer you and really making the most of what comes your way. And instead of just making yourself like a victim to it, but really making it work for you. And so I think it's important to know that like, even though we're hardwired to do the opposite, it is definitely worth it to fight through that and to lean into it because

Like I said, change is going to continue to happen, but adapting gives you the best leg up possible to make the most of the situation. So that was kind of the first thing I wanted to level set with, you know? You hear people talking about being in your comfort zone all the time and how it's so important to get outside of your comfort zone. And I know it sounds like a cliche, but it's absolutely the truth. If you want to grow, you have to step outside of your comfort zone.

You have to do things that are new and different and scary, things that you may not be good at. You have to try them. And there's something about being an adult that keeps us from wanting to ever be beginners. When you're a kid, everything is new and you just try it because you have to, right? Walking for the first time, playing a sport for the first time, going to school for the first time. It's all new and it's all...

back to back new things. My nephew is about six months now and he's starting to eat some food a little bit like cereal and small things like that. And I'm just like watching him try to eat. that's, it's not a normal thing. Like you have to learn how to eat, right? And so I'm just like thinking every day is something entirely new for this child. And we accept that when we're children.

But as soon as we're an adult, we don't want to try the new thing because we have an awareness of, I don't know, being embarrassed, looking stupid, being made fun of, all of that. We've experienced that now at this point in our lives. many times. Yeah, we don't want to experience it again. So we try to keep ourselves safe and not try anything new. But the reality of it is all of those people who are successful that you admire,

are consistently making themselves uncomfortable and trying new things. I think there's a lot of different ways that I do this, but I think the most concrete, tangible example is how often I move. Like as silly as that sounds, I mean, and I shared this with you, Candace, I moved 18 times since I was 18. And even though I'm like very resourced and I have a very supportive and loving partner and all of these things,

It's still hard and I'm still learning stuff about myself every single time I move. In addition to, you know, re-feng shuiing and reorganizing our apartment and getting used to a new city and a new subway system and grid system and streets and all of this, every city has some commonalities in how it's built, but I'm like rewiring my brain now of like my daily, I have to find a new coffee shop, not have to, get to, you know, and just.

All of, even something as simple as moving. Honestly, I think, you know, you and I have not moved as many times as you obviously, but I've moved from LA to Vegas to San Diego. And I understand what living in different cities requires of you. And I also understand the opportunity that it presents because now Kat gets to be Kat today, who you are today in this new neighborhood, in this new community instead of you know, all your neighbors remembering who you were five years ago. Yeah. Which reminds me like I want to move out of this neighborhood because everyone knows the old version, you know, it's like we're different. You're ready for a rebrand in 2025. I'll tell Dom to get on it. Yeah. But that's really key, I think, is letting yourself be a beginner. And there's a lot of silly things that you might want to do to help yourself. Like maybe you, I don't know, take up a new hobby. Like you start painting or making pottery or going to yoga and you've never done it before. literally I going to say, I'm just going to start with a workout class. don't want to do ceramics. to a new workout studio, a studio, all of that. Just doing something new and different gives you an opportunity to connect with people in a different way, to learn something about yourself.

And honestly, you don't even have to like it. You just need to try it. You don't have to know anything about it. Yeah. It's not something that you have to be married to for the rest of your life. And I think this is why I really like this quote that Leila shared, because a lot of people that I talk with, clients, know, community members in my network, they're like, I want this new opportunity, I want to try new things, or I want to change in my career, I want to change in my clientele or

or you know that the types of clients I've been working with and I'm like, okay, I'm like, what are you going to do that's different than what you have been doing? And they're like, and I'm like, change doesn't come from you just like wanting it, it comes from you doing different things and trying and experimenting. So that's a little bit of like the accountability side of it, like opportunity just doesn't fall into your lap, right? I was talking to a client today.

who is launching a YouTube channel and she's just like a rock star A plus client. Like I love her. I'm obsessed with her. Like I would work with her if she didn't pay me. are the clients guys. Right. Find those clients. Yeah. She's, she's amazing. Anyhow, were talking about her YouTube channel launched and we want to go big, right? We want people to recognize her in our community and be like, Ooh,

gotta watch out for that one. Like that's the goal. That's what I want other agents in our community to say. Right. And so I said, I know this is like out of your comfort zone because she's, she's super, she's a rock star, but she's also very humble. Like this is, you know, outside of your comfort zone, but that's why you're here. Right. She's like, yeah. I was like, okay, I think you should throw a launch party for yourself, for your YouTube channel. it has like a really cute name that has like alliteration and also keywords.

Um, and I think I was like, we could do a swag table. could hire a videographer. We could have like, you know, drinks. can invite past clients, your friends, family, other agents, like, let's just go big and we can record all of it, make content from it, put it out on different platforms. And then people are going to be like, what's this channel and click over and, um, and be at minimum, they're going to be like, wait, what's, what's she doing? She's up to something and that's what we want. We just want people to talk about it. Right.

Yeah, curiosity. Curiosity. And it's way outside of her comfort zone because she is not a self-promotion kind of woman. but she's also done incredible things for her community and people in her community who know her adore her. And as I do. And so she was like, that's definitely outside of my comfort zone. But yeah, let's do it. I'm down. And just without hesitation.

She's like, okay, we'll make it happen. And is planning her launch party for her YouTube channel. And I think that would be something that people would push back on with in my clients would typically be like, no, I don't even have any followers yet. Why would anyone want to come to that? No one cares about this. This isn't a thing yet. I'm not famous like Ryan Serhant. Why should I do this thing for myself? And there's all these kind of like spiral excuses that happen.

in your head, even Ryan Serhant wasn't Ryan Serhant as you know him today 10 years ago. Five years ago. Well, yeah. And imagine with all the things he's doing today, like where and who he'll be 10 years from now. Exactly. 20 years from now. It's all a journey. I love that your client is taking on that assignment with

throwing a launch party. I mean, look, if she's going to do the damn thing of having a YouTube channel and if she's good at her job and good at providing for her clients, which I know you wouldn't work with her if she was like terrible. So then in my opinion, promotion is not selfish. And in fact, not promoting yourself and putting yourself out there is the selfish thing. doesn't love to get together for some charcuterie and wine and hanging out with some old friends? mean, you get a good Chardonnay there. I'm sold.

I think I know what I'm having for dinner now. I'm really jealous. I can't have any wine right now. A more months, a more. well, unless you're going to breastfeed. We don't have to talk about that on the pod right now. Yeah, we'll figure it out. I've heard multiple things about that. Maybe you can have a drink or two. Yeah, you know. We'll find out. Yeah, exactly. Just takes the tension off. All right. Next point we want to talk about.

This is a good one for me. Candice, you are so good at helping me lean into this because as a recovering perfectionist, as somebody who has a lot of like fixed energy, it has to all be like clear and I have to have, and I have to be able to finish it in one go. Like that's how I have been. This is a good one. So let's talk about the messy, the messiness, the messiness of growth.

of change, of becoming someone different in response to something that's happening to you. I'm a work in progress on this one. Yeah. So I'm a firm believer that you have to be okay with things being messy and know that messy doesn't mean bad. I on with a design client and I said, Hey, this is the messy part of the design.

We're going to be happy in four to six weeks when everything is over, but right now it's going to feel unclear. We're going to, you know, go back and forth, have different ideas. And this part is really messy. And as long as you have that expectation, then you'll be, you'll be happy. Right? If you leave this conversation and you're like, what just happened? What did, what did I look at? That's all normal. And we'll get to a different place in the next, you know, four to six weeks when it comes to design.

But I think that if you remove the expectation that this is supposed to be smooth and linear and perfect, and you allow it to be what it is and allow yourself the opportunity to gather the data, learn something, ask a better question next time, because you have more information, that's how you grow.

I've had a lot of calls today apparently because I was on another call with a client who, her name is Nikki. She's great. She's creating reels right now and she's in the content lab and there was a requirements, right? She made a reel and like she didn't do a hundred percent of the requirements because she couldn't figure out one of the features. I think it was like adding text to a cover. She didn't know how to do that, right? Everything else was great, but she's like, I did all the other things, but I couldn't figure out how to add text to my cover.

And she was like, this is how far I got. And she walked me through all the steps that she did. And I was like, great, we're just missing this one step and showed her how to do it. She said, I wouldn't have known to ask that question because I've never went through this process before. And that's what I really appreciated about her. Even though she knew she wasn't going to 100 % finish exactly everything on the checklist, she did the best she could, uploaded it anyways.

And then we went back and reflected on, where was the part that got weird? Where was the part that we got confused or didn't know what the next step was, or maybe the directions weren't clear, right? And then she got it. And she's like, I really appreciate this class because every time I come, I have even more questions that I never knew that I had. And that's only because she's actually allowing herself to be in that messy middle.

Yeah. Be in that messy middle where sometimes you are frustrated and you don't know what the right step is and then maybe the right step is asking for help. Yeah, I am feeling all of this right now in my personal life with like, as you guys can see, if you're watching this episode on YouTube, there's literally a box because I started to put together a bathroom organizer last night and then I just ran out of steam. And Will came down here. He's like, what are you doing? Because he got home late. He was closing the restaurant.

And I was like, I need to get this done tonight. And he was like, why? He's like, does it impede you from using the bathroom? I was like, no, I have all my piles in the bathroom right now. And he's like, okay. He's like, then just like come to bed, like just do it tomorrow. And I was like, I guess I can. It's it. I have all the pieces laid out in alphabetical order and it's like very messy, but even so like filming for my vlog, which I release on a weekly basis, Candace, I watched the first one we first moved into the apartment. And then I was walking around our apartment today and I noticed like,

just subtle things like day by day, we're getting this in order and we're organizing that and putting that away. And I think just being like that, that quote from James Clear, like 1 % better and allowing things to slowly come together like a masterpiece instead of just like expecting it to be a light switch. Cause that just sets you up for failure and keeps you in more of the same. another analogy as a true crime fan. There we go. Let's do it. I love.

I love listening to all my True Crime podcast, Dateline 2020. One thing that Keith always says is that real life crimes aren't like TV or this podcast where it's solved in 30 to 60 minutes. And a lot of times, clever crew, you all are looking at someone who you see is successful. And to you, they came from nowhere, out of nowhere.

person just magically appeared in your ether. And that's not what happened for that person. That is not that person's experience most likely, right? There's a couple, maybe TikTok stars, but most likely there's been a long journey ahead that you just haven't seen. And so you are making up in your mind what the journey is supposed to look like because they just appeared in reality. You just don't know the full story.

And so you have to let yourself go through the journey and it is one. And I feel like I say that all the time because people are like, even today someone was like, so when am gonna be an Instagram star? And they jokingly said in the next six to 12 months. it was also a joke because we don't know and we're just gonna keep putting one foot in front of the other and we're going to see what happens and we're gonna get better with time.

Maybe you'll be an Instagram star and maybe you won't, but you're going to sell more houses or whatever it is that you're trying to to have a better business. You're going a stronger network. You're going to be more confident. You're going to have all these things. took the words right out of my mouth. If you want to think about how to deal with change in a practical manner, think back to fifth grade science class. Candice got her true crime. I've got my nursing and science analogies from when I was in nursing school.

and how we learned about the scientific method. We used and applied the scientific method to experiments. did it in clinicals, like literally we think this could happen hypothesis. This is going to be our one variable. Everything else is going to be a control. So we know if it had a positive, negative or neutral effect, and then we're going to like add a catalyst to stir some shit up and see what happened. Life coming in, dropping in some chaos, right? And then you have the result and.

It's so funny as kids, kids are so much smarter than adults, damn, like, right? We're like, okay, this is our hypothesis. And if the hypothesis is wrong, the kids aren't going to be like, my God, my whole self-worth and self-identity and self-esteem is wrapped up in that. No, the kids are going to be like, okay, that hypothesis is incorrect. Let's do a new one, right? That's all it is. It's all just a giant experiment with random variables and catalysts and chaos. you just, you know, just be a mad scientist.

It's literally why named the content lab the content lab because it's a lab. So we're experimenting. We're just trying things out and doing it unapologetically. with little expectation, the expectation is that you're going to develop as a human. You're going to develop your skills. You're going to develop your confidence. And with that, we know that's going lead to success in your business. For sure. It's just the way is. Okay. Anyways, let it be messy. Messy.

The next one. Next one is how do you lean into change instead of resisting it? So this reminds me of when I used to work at this bar studio in Portland. It was actually like my first marketing, like freelance job. One of the bar instructors, Frida there, I'll never forget, I loved her so much. She was studying movement. There was a more...

collegiate sounding word for it, right? But that she was in undergrad to study kinesiology, kinesiology, movement, dance, all of that. She was a dancer. And she had said that, you know, when coaching clients in the middle of class to like correct their posture, their form and whatnot, she's like, you have to remember as adults, we lean away from things naturally. whenever you go, we go to reach for something as an adult, you're always leaning away. You've seen that, right? It's like why

you know, baseball players drop the fly balls, right? When the balls hit to them in the outfield, because they'll lean away or they'll look away before the ball actually makes contact with the mitt. Same thing when we go to reach something. But if you look at children, children are always leaning in. They're always like crashing into you leaning on you, right? Like reaching for things. And so she's like, if you ever feel like you want to lean away, just imagine like children and how they are, they lean in without even a thought.

It's just their instinct. Yep. So and ever since she shared that, was like, no, and I catch myself doing it. was like, why am I leading away? Lean in. Yep. So I think it's a way we have to like, it's something we learned along the way. Yeah. But even physically just leaning in, right? Sometimes it's counterintuitive. Like if you're, if you're a snowboarder and you're learning how to snowboard and you're trying to get off the lift, you have to lean in to stay.

to stay up, right? When you get off the lift, you have to lean forward and in. Yeah. Are you a snowboarder? I am. I'm a skier. Are you? Cool. Yeah. It's okay. We can still be friends. All right, continue. So yes, I did know that. have to I'm not like a star, but I do it and I love it. And when I'm off the ski lift, I still get nervous. But the natural instinct is to lean back because you don't want to fall and you're kind of going...

down, you're typically going like down a little slope. But really you have to lean forward to be able to not fall, which is crazy. But leaning in is the way that you stay upright. So that's really interesting. And then it also made me think about the classroom with, you know, I was a former educator and I could literally imagine my kids, my students, like,

gathered around my desk or gathered around on the carpet and like always being like so huddled. Yes, huddled and close. like even like I'm like kids not understand personal space and they don't. Yeah. But that's because they were interested and they were involved and they wanted to be part of something. And so that's so interesting. Like the visual really helped me. So thanks for sharing that. Yeah. Yeah. And we don't do that as adults. And we don't. But

why not? I love it when, and sometimes it actually used to frustrate me in the past, but now I've cultivated a different level of empathy. A lot of my friends are having kids, you included, probably going to have a kid in the next year. When you get stuck behind a parent, like walking with a two-year-old or a three-year-old on the sidewalk or at the mall, right? You're trying to rush off, right? Yeah.

the fuck are you in a rush for? know, like, I love like being reminded to just slow down and watch like them figuring it out and like holding their parents hand and just like, just relaxing. So I think leaning into change also, like slow down. Yeah, slow it down, slow down your breathing, slow down your movement, slow down your thinking. That really helps me. When you lean in, you also conserve your energy. It requires energy to resist.

So good. That's so true. And so if you just kind of go with the flow. Go. Yeah. Don't fight against the current. You don't be like salmon. You're not a salmon. Okay. We can't, we're not, we're not swimming upstream. Well, we have all of the analogies. Should we like do an analogy count? I mean, look, we're recording this during Scorpio season. So we're all about like, let's just transform people's mindsets with analogies. Okay. The last, the last kind of thing I'll say about this is, um,

practically, you probably won't not be afraid of change. You won't not be nervous, you won't not be anxious, but it dissipates the more and more you lean in and the like the little like the inches and the baby steps that you take. There's never I was so nervous, so apprehensive with this move. I still am the fact that there is a box in the podcast background right now. But like, you know,

It is what it is. It is what it is and who the fuck cares? Like, I don't know, just like the invisible person inside my head. So anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

Okay, last point. Last point is we got to celebrate the small wins no matter how small. And maybe the win is that you showed up. Maybe the win is that maybe you never got off that ski lift upright, but the win is that you did it 10 more times today than you ever did before. And that's it. That's the win. The win is that you're there.

And some people were too afraid to get on the ski lift. Yes. And important to celebrate the wind, even if nobody's watching, even if you're not putting it on social media, those of you who want to be Instagram stars, we're not talking about those winds that come in like pretty Canva templates that you splash all over your LinkedIn. Like, no, we're talking about the, you like, if you're a busy parent, right? You, you brush your teeth, you got dressed, you've, like got in a workout amidst

building a business, dealing with clients and your children and your community, like especially celebrate the wins that don't make it on camera. Yeah. Huge. All right, y'all. Well, we hope you enjoyed our conversation about embracing the shift inspired by Leila Hermosy's reel. And if you enjoyed this topic today or you enjoyed this content, don't forget to leave us a five star review. What have you been doing? And share it with a friend.

Thanks for joining us on Not Nice, Clever. Remember to follow Not Nice, Clever wherever you listen to audio. And if you haven't already, drop that five star review. Share your takeaways. Tell us your story. We love to hear it. Signing off, you're not so nice, but so clever besties that mean business. See you soon.