Is The Fear Of Success Holding You Back?

Fear of failure gets all the attention, but what about the fear of success? Yep, it’s real—and we’re diving into it on today’s episode of Not Nice, Clever. We’re breaking down why hitting that next level can feel just as paralyzing as falling short. Whether it’s the pressure to maintain success, the fear of being judged, or the worry of outgrowing your old life, you’re not alone if these thoughts have crossed your mind.

We’ll unpack the sneaky ways self-sabotage shows up (missing deadlines, making excuses, turning down opportunities) and how it keeps you stuck. But don’t worry—we’re not leaving you there. We’re sharing how to reframe your mindset, shift from fear to excitement, and start seeing success as a journey, not a burden. If you’re ready to stop holding yourself back and start embracing what’s possible, this episode is a must-listen!

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• Not Nice Clever
• Candice Carcioppolo
• Kat Torre

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to the Fear of Success
• 2:48 Understanding the Paradox of Success
• 6:03 Reframing Success and Self-Sabotage
• 8:57 The Journey vs. Destination Mindset
• 11:48 The Importance of Saying Yes to Opportunities
• 14:58 Practical Steps to Overcome Fear of Success

Transcript

Hi, I'm Kat, marketer turned brand storyteller. And I'm Candice, educator turned entrepreneur. And you're listening to Not Nice, Clever. As CEOs and leaders, it's your job to always have the answers. But sometimes you need a little help. Leverage, if you will. We get it. This is the place for you. So wherever you're listening, 530 AM Club at the gym, on your way to your next meeting or putting out today's fire, let's get into it.

Today we're digging into something that might sound a little strange at first, but so real, the fear of success. Yep, you heard that right. Some of y'all are afraid of success. We all talk about the fear of failure, but what happens when we're actually afraid of making it? Whatever that means to you. That fear of reaching the next level, being seen,

and even maybe outgrowing your old life. That can be just as paralyzing as the fear of failure. Yeah. And I think this is a funny thing because it's like a paradox, right? Like, Candice, how many times have we said people just want to be seen and heard and understood? Yes. Insert eye roll, guys. Like, truly. Yes. That's what we know. I literally wrote that in my Instagram story today.

Again, that's probably why I was like in my head, right? So like we know at a fundamental human level, I don't care what business you're in, human level, that's what we crave. And yet, and yet when it comes to reaching a new income level or making a new friend or moving to a new city or starting a new job or switching careers that we know on paper is us moving in the right direction. It is us achieving success.

It's still the unknown and our brain freaks out. And when we try to do all of these things to keep us in the known, even though we want to be seen and appreciated and acknowledged and recognized, it's like this weird paradox where like we crave growth and change and success. And yet our brain is like, don't do it. Don't do it. It's just like this thing, you know? Well, as we've talked about many times before, brains are wired to keep our bodies safe.

and safe is often what's familiar. At least that's what our brain tells us. And it takes a lot to have the courage to take that next step where maybe more people are going to see you, meaning there's more opportunity for criticism and there's more opportunity for, I know what a lot of people are talking about right now is like fear of getting canceled.

Right? When you put yourself out there and you have an opinion, there's fears that come with those things. But ultimately, I think what's on the other side of fear is everything you ever wanted. And I agree. And like the other like echo that I have heard and seen is that people are like, but if I am not successful, if I achieve that much, if I build that company, if I build that team, what happens if I lose it?

What happens if I lose everything I ever achieved? And I'm like, well, then you learn, you rebuild, you try again, you keep going, you don't crawl into a hole and like never come out again. What if you lose it? Yeah, what if you keep it? What if you make it bigger than it ever could be? I think like, this is where like self-sabotage comes into play, where instead of thinking you're your own best advocate, our default in our minds is to be our own worst enemy.

And we got to rewire that. And it's not going to happen overnight, but even being aware of retraining your brain and your self-talk and how you approach that can be really, really helpful in eking yourself toward this. We have an episode coming up that is not out yet with someone who specializes in helping people to reframe their mindset. And I think that episode is going to be super, super helpful.

when it comes out, you guys be on the lookout for that with a mindset coach, kind of helps you learn how to manifest and switch the wiring of our brain so that we can do the thing that maybe feels unfamiliar while still knowing that we're safe. And you know, one of the things that might be

popping up in your mind is like, how do I know if I'm afraid of success? Like definitely know I'm afraid of failure and we need to reframe failure into a lesson and failing forward and failing fast. But how do I know if I'm afraid of success? Because sometimes knowing yourself can be the biggest hurdle here. And so for me, I don't know about you, Candice, but like when I have gotten nervous about like new consults on the calendar or new opportunities in my DMs and I just kind of like leave it on read, like I kind of like look away from it. I'm like,

I'm just like, leave it there. If they want me bad enough, they'll keep on following up or whatnot, right? I make these excuses. But then once I finally do and I hop on that call and that like apprehension just like falls away. But if you're like kind of turning away from opportunity or you're missing deadlines or you you are rewatching old TV shows, apparently that's a coping mechanism wanting to stay like in the same and not trying new things like challenging your mind.

watching friends over and over again is not a good thing. I mean, good is subjective. Sometimes we need that comfort food. But if you're doing that in response to avoiding switching careers, leaving a job that doesn't fulfill you, ending a relationship, starting a relationship, whatever it is, then it's not being used wisely or effectively. that makes sense.

Sorry, my notion totally froze on me. We're going to have to that part out. Are we in reframing success? Yeah, reframing. Okay. So we talk about reframing all the time, right? Like we reframe failure into an opportunity to learn. If you have a block, because sometimes this happens where like certain words just like don't jive with you, you know? And I'm like, let's just change the word, right? Yes. And so if the idea of like success,

is like traumatizing to your millennial achievement based brain, then just reframe it as trying something new or being a trailblazer or being, you know, bold or being relentless. Like I love, I remember we shared that, like people calling us relentless. We're like, thank you. Thank you so much. Totally reframed that I started owning that. So Kat's talking about, I'm sure she's had her own experience with this, but one of the things that

has happened to me is someone was like exasperated with me. Like I was being so persistent and perhaps annoying. They were like, my God, Candice, you are relentless. Like they were annoyed. And I was like, yeah, I am relentless. And I totally just owned that. And I loved that. And now it's like one of my values, like relentlessness. Like that is how I want to operate. And...

I kind of owned the part of my brand that is a little bit annoying. And I say that often because that's just who I am. That's who I am if I'm your friend and that's who I am in my brand and might as well just own it. So, yeah, absolutely believe in that. And I think that reframing is really helpful. So when Dom and I first got married, he already lived in this house and I moved in with him and I moved in after we got married and he was like,

great. He was just like, yeah, this is your house now. Like, do you? Well, except one thing. had one. yeah. Yeah. I don't think I know this. I know. The rule was we couldn't have a junk drawer in the kitchen. He was not. Yes. I do remember this conversation. And so obviously I'm like, cool. Like I have free reign except the one rule of not having a junk drawer. problem. So I made a utility drawer. Exactly. Why not?

Right? So it has pens and batteries and scissors and, you IDs, paper clips, post-it notes, sandwich baggies. You know, exactly. Maybe screwdriver. It's a utility drawer, not a junk drawer. Like we have things there that we often need. And it was a slight reframe. Maybe I rebranded it.

But it was a rebrand. we make sure Don doesn't listen to this episode? He listens to me goes away for work. like binges our episodes and then he like texts me commentary on them. I love that. So I'm sure in a few weeks he'll be on our work trip and be like, that damn utility drawer. He loves it. He got batteries from the utility drawer this weekend. Like it worked out perfectly. He has proven its utility.

The other thing too, I think that this gets me with like the idea of success. And this was something that, Chris Doe, when he was on our podcast a little while back had shared, or I was like, you're never going to get to the destination unless you continue failing and learning and failing fast and failing as fast as you can to learn as much as you can as quick as you can. And he was like, well, what if it's not about a destination and it's just about the journey? And this is like one little baby pit stop.

rest moment along the journey. And so like, it kind of takes the pressure off of it. Like, okay, yeah, you're starting over in a new industry. Okay, yeah, you're starting a new job. How many new jobs have you started in your life already? How, how many more do you think you're going to start in the next 50, 60, 70 years, if you are lucky enough to live that long? How many new jobs are going to start? How many new cities are you going to move to? How many kids are you going to have and have to learn how to be a parent again? It's like,

It's just one little itty bitty moment. It doesn't have to be this big like mountain that you carry on your shoulders. Like, my God, if I don't land that client, if I don't hit my income goal, the world is over. I'm worthless. I might as well just crawl into a hole. know, like, yeah, don't do that. Don't do that to yourself. Why are we doing that to ourselves? It sounds really silly when I articulate. I hope people listening like don't do that to yourself. know? Yep. I, when I'm thinking about a reframe,

I know one thing that I had to reframe in my mind early on was, I think this is the right thing to teach your kids. I don't know. Now that I'm a parent, I'm thinking about things now that I'm going to be a parent, I'm thinking about things like this. So like teaching your kid to like value hard work. My parents definitely were hard workers and taught my brothers and I to be hard workers.

But I think that there's a point when that mindset can limit you because this is something that you and I talked about actually yesterday. So I won't say any names here, but your client had an opportunity to do a really big podcast, be a guest on a really big podcast. A lot of listeners, which could have been

a turning point in his business because of the visibility that he would have gotten. Now, he turned down the podcast likely for maybe reasons I don't understand. But one of the main reasons that he turned down the podcast was because he was going to be gifted this opportunity and other people paid for this opportunity or in some way in his mind,

earned the opportunity where he didn't feel like he earned it and therefore he said no. And what I've learned in entrepreneurship is that I say yes to the opportunities that are aligned with my goals, whether or not I feel like I've earned that opportunity because I've definitely sat on panels where I felt like

these people are really cool and I'm baby cool compared to them. And maybe I don't feel like I'm good enough to be there, but they invited me. So I'm just going to say yes instead of saying, no, I can't sit next to that person because that person is fucking amazing. And I'm just like starting, I'm scratching the surface of that, you know? I'm going to say yes. And what I think

What that makes me think is that earning is subjective because I did earn that spot according to the person who invited me there. I think it's, I appreciate you bringing up that, that instance too, because it's like, you know, my, mom is an immigrant and both my grandmothers were, and this idea of like hard work and a work ethic was really instilled at me. And I still pride myself on my work ethic, but

It's not, you don't have to always work hard every single time in every single situation. Like it's not a be all end all like that, you know? And, maybe it is your hard work that got you that opportunity. just don't know specifically. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. just, which is why it'd be a great opportunity to ask the person, right? Like when you were on that panel or I've had these moments where I'm negotiating speaking fees for conferences and I'm just like, when are they going to call bullshit?

me. Like, when is that gonna happen? And they're like, no, we want to have you like, this is our budget. Like, we can do this plus travel. When they too easily say yes, that's how you know you undercut yourself. yeah, yeah, that I made that mistake once last year. I'm not going to again this year. I'm like, but yeah, it's like, it's just so interesting. And here's the other thing, too. If you are in a situation,

and you're listening to this podcast and you have a lot in common with Candice and I, I imagine that's why you want to listen to this podcast and what we're sharing and how we do business. The how of doing whatever it is you want to do to get to the goal that you have, you will figure that out. Like just be really clear on why you want what you want. Like if you're super unequivocally clear on the why,

You'll figure the fuck out. You'll figure out the how. The how is like child's play. Like, kid, as you were on that panel, if you didn't know your shit, I mean, that would have shown regardless, but you do when you pulled from your reserves and your wisdom and you're, you connected and you probably referenced other panelists and you probably called up people in the, like, cause I know I've seen you in action. You'll figure it out. Just be clear on the like, why do you want that income goal? Why do you want to change industries? Why do you want to build a team? Whatever it might be.

That alleviates all of the, at least for me, it alleviates the pressure. Cause I was like, nobody can fuck with my Y. Did I drop two F-bombs? I got the two F-bombs in there. Feel free to drop one. I was getting fired up. you going for three today or what's happening? Okay. We'll see. But I think reframing success and reframing

reframing the boundaries that you've set up for yourself or, you know, breaking down the boundaries you've set up for yourself, will really help you to expand. And that's what this is all about. Everything is about expansion and not expansion because you have to, you know, wear yourself down, but expansion because it actually helps to fill you up because when you expand, you can impact more people.

And when you impact more people, you're likely feeling even better about yourself because you probably started this because you wanted to have an impact on people.

Yeah, like permission to take up the space and to want the success. remember, have I told you the story about like when I used to ride BART when I worked in San Francisco and I lived in the Bay Area? You could tell the clever crew. Okay. I want to tell the clever crew again. So I was like in my early, early twenties, I probably just turned 20 and I was working a corporate city girl job in San Francisco. And I would commute on BART, which is like the subway, like the metro, like the train from East Bay where I lived into the city.

And I just remember there'd be these moments where I would get on the train at my stop and there wouldn't be a whole lot of people on the train. But then the closer we got to city, the more people would be getting on the train and it would become more and more crowded. And I remember the like anxiety of having to just make myself so small to make room for everybody around me and how I noticed like other people, typically men, weren't making themselves small. They were the ones bumping into me and like their backpacks were hitting me. And I was like,

But I was like, kind of like my posture and everything was just not wanting to take up space, wanting to be invisible. And I remember having that like light bulb moment. was like, fuck that. was like, I'm not gonna, there we go. I did it. did it. Three F bombs. Dang. I was like, I'm not going to be small. I'm not gonna be obnoxious, but I will be bold and I will be assertive in like little moments. And so like, for me,

14 years ago, 13, 14 years ago now, I decided to not like shrink on a train. Not physically shrink on a train. Not physically shrink on a train. That also in some way informs what you do outside of that train. It does. How you act when nobody's watching, because nobody was watching me on the train. Nobody was even paying attention, right? I was allowing myself to shrink. How you are when were trying to be nice. I know.

little did I know this podcast was waiting for me in my future. But like, me not deciding not to like shrink and be small was a win. Like that was a tiny little win of like, how am going to carry myself when nobody's watching in my day to day something that I spent 15 hours a week doing riding the train? It was a small little win. It wasn't me asking for a promotion.

It wasn't me getting a raise. wasn't me doing any of these like major, like typical successful things. But I think starting small and however you can like find little wins will help you get to the big ones, you know? Yeah. It's about not compromising yourself. Yeah. So let's give the clever crew some practical steps that they can do to overcome

the fear of success. Yeah. So I think the one I had already kind of shared, like the small wins, you know, you completing a project that you've never done before, you, you're inspiring me, Candice, with you still going to Pilates, like seven, are you seven months pregnant now? And you're still doing it? I'm months pregnant. I'm giving birth in 10 weeks or so. And you're still working out regularly. Yeah. So like,

Those little things like don't think of success as just like in a monetary fashion or career fashion, know, celebrate those small little wins and appreciate, hell yeah, I got my ass to that 5 a.m. gym class. Like, hell yeah, I, you know, stuck to healthier eating habits like later on in the evening. I didn't binge on candy or alcohol, whatever it was. So like take a moment because that is as much an achievement as negotiating a raise.

closing a big deal, in my opinion, right? Totally. Then you have to, I mean, I'm gonna say this till I'm blue in my face, but create a support system of people who get it, who get your vision, who can remind you that you can handle this, that you've got this, and stay away from the people who think what you want is crazy or delusional. Like, if they think what you want is crazy,

They're not your people.

Yeah. And those people might change too. So like, truly, I feel like one of the reasons, the main reason why Not Nice Clever and our Clever crew has grown so much is because like, I'm not doing it alone and you're not doing it alone. Like we have each other, we have Corinne, we have the Clever crew. And it's like the idea that people are successful by themselves is a lie. Like such a lie. Like you definitely got to take part.

Be self-aware, stand up straight, fix your posture, notice the small wins, but like also reach out to people. Like ask for help. No one does this alone. Huge. And then this last one's probably going to be very terrifying is that, permission granted for everyone watching and listening to this to be seen, to shine in whatever talent or skill you have. You're not bragging. You're boasting.

your ability to make an impact and to grow. Permission granted, okay, you're not going to die. might feel like you're going to die, but you're not going to die. Like we got you. just permit, like permission to be seen. And I think one of the other things coming from like a corporate background, when I first started in like the career world, I thought that being vulnerable was being unprofessional.

But I think it's really changed. And obviously I'm not in corporate anymore and I'm like very entrepreneurial. But I think vulnerability this day and age has really become a superpower to connect with people and to build trust and to build confidence. Like you can share something and somebody else will raise their hand and say, yeah, I went through that too. You're like, shit. So clever crew. Thanks for listening today. If you are

afraid of success, we invite you to take some practical steps to overcome the fear, to recognize that the fear is there in the first place. And if you know someone who needs to listen to this episode, share it with a friend. And if you haven't already, leave a five star review. It really helps us to bring on the best guests for you. And we have some amazing guest episodes for you coming up in 2025 and they'll get better as those reviews roll in.

Thanks for joining us on Not Nice, Clever. Remember to follow Not Nice, Clever wherever you listen to audio. And if you haven't already, drop that five star review. Share your takeaways. Tell us your story. We love to hear it. Signing off, you're not so nice, but so clever besties that mean business. See you soon.